These Advice given by A Parent That Saved Me as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of being a father.

Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to talking about the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to open up amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a pause - taking a few days away, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."